Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
