new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
