I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
honey bunches of taint.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
