I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
