No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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