She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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