It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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