I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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