Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
