The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
