It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize