I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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