All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
