but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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