i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
