Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
