Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
