I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
