We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
