I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize