I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
