Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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