If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
