I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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