Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
