ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
