I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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