haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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