pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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