Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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