Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
