I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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