I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
