R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
