so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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