Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize