That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
