Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
