Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
