I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
