dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
