FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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