she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
