My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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