It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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