I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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