No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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