I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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