I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
