How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
