Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
