Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize