recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize