they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
