my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
