I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
