There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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