there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You left your phone here
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