I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
