either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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