And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
