No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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