You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
