for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
