No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
