Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
