Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
