After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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